When Should Your Child Get A Cellphone?

My son came home from an end-of-season basketball party this past spring irate.  “Everyone else on the team has a cellphone!  When am I going to get one?”  I crushed any thoughts of his father and I getting him the device just because “everyone else has one.”  Since he had to buy his own Nintendo DS, he should know better than to demand we do anything just to keep up with the Joneses.  But “when” is a good question because it’s automatically assumed that at some point, parents will get our children cellphones.

Approximately 75 percent of 12- to 17-year-olds in the United States own a mobile phone; this is up from 45 percent in 2004 according to an April 2010 study by the Pew Internet and American Life Project, part of the Pew Research Center (http://people-press.org).  And kids are getting their phones at earlier ages. The Pew study, for example, found that 58 percent of 12-year-olds now had a cellphone, up from 18 percent in 2004.

There are many merits to a kid having a cellphone:  they can call if an event ends early; they can touch base with you when you’re at a large outdoor event; they can call you if they need to stay after school; you can remind them of things when they’re not with you; they can call you in case of emergency; and you can call them in case of emergency. 

Then there are the cons:  cell phones are expensive and some kids just aren’t responsible enough to keep track of them; some kids simply will not remember to keep their phones charged; exposure to the perils of the Internet; and exposure to the perils and temptations of texting including bullying and “sexting.” 

So is there an age at which a child “needs” a cellphone?  No, say developmental psychologists and child safety experts.  They agree that it depends on the child’s maturity level, the need for the phone, and the ability to be responsible for the device.  To that end, my husband and I constructed a test to see if Junior was, in fact, ready for a cellphone.  In June, we gave him an old, non-working model.  He had to keep it with him whenever he was in a situation in which he thought he might use it.  Periodically I would ask him if he knew where the phone was.  If he could produce the “demo” model at the end of the month, meaning he hadn't lost it, we agreed we’d get him a real cellphone for his 5th grade graduation. 

He passed the test with flying colors.  Since he was with us all summer, we decided not to rush out to get him a phone because we didn’t think he’d need it.  But  as the summer has progressed, I’ve seen cases when and where he could have used it:  when we were at large public gatherings where he wanted to go off with his friends (like National Night Out at the Oval); when baseball practice ended early and I needed to pick him up earlier than anticipated; when his camp took him to an amusement park (it would have been reassuring to know he arrived safely). 

Our decision to get him a cellphone at age 11 as he approaches 6th grade is in line with what some child psychologists say is the right time.  They agree that most children are not ready for their own phones until age 11 to 14, when they’re in middle school. Often that’s when they begin traveling alone to and from school or to after-school activities, and may need to call a parent to change activities at the last minute or coordinate rides. 

So today, off we toddled to Best Buy in East Hanover to see what our options were.  We were clear with what we wanted:  a phone for Junior to use to make calls with limited texting.  We discussed with him what he expected from the device – he wanted to play games on it like he does on the many gaming systems he already has.  We promptly crushed that dream and listened to the Best Buy rep who explained that we had two options:  either a prepaid phone where we didn’t have a contract but would pay by the minutes used or to put the kid on our cellphone plan.  And we could choose between a feature phone or a smartphone. 

A feature phone generally has a camera, possibly some rudimentary Web access and a slide-out qwerty keyboard, but not the operating system with the applications that can be downloaded on a smartphone.   Smartphones allow more sophistocated Web access and apps.  In any case, parents need to realize that buying any kind of phone with Web access allows their children unsupervised access to content and tools, like social networking and videos, that they may forbid on the home computer.

We decided to buy the prepaid feature phone to start and agreed that come December, if we see the need for something more, we’ll consider putting him on the family plan and getting him a new feature phone but not a smartphone.  We also explained that a cellphone is a privilege, not a right, which can be revoked at any time for misbehavior, etc.  Additional caveats include:

• We reserve the right to ask to see his contact list, texts, and call lists whenever we want.
• He has a $10 per month budget so if he goes text-happy or call-happy, he’ll have to pay the overage.
• The only time the phone will be used is when he is out at school functions or out with friends. He must call and check in with home and when in need of parental help.
• When he returns home, the phone goes in a designated spot and does not get touched again until the phone is needed for the next outing.

And there are things he needs to be aware of, such as:

• Assume that even "private" texts can become public. Kids can post texts or send them to other kids' phones.

• Get permission. Before you snap someone's picture, take a video, or forward something, ask if it's OK.

• Ask for privacy. Tell a friend, "don't take my picture."

• Think before you text.  Ask yourself how you would feel if it became public.

• Don't respond to numbers you don't know. 

Two websites that offer advice on children and cellphones are Common Sense Media (www.commonsensemedia.org) and a site by CTIA,  an international nonprofit membership organization which represents the wireless communications industry, called www.besmartwireless.com.  The CTIA site, in addition to having lots of information on how to keep your connected kids safe,  has links to various cellphone providers so that should you decide to get your child a smartphone, you’ll know what kind of filters are available.

My son says he feels more grown-up carrying a cellphone.  I feel more connected to him.  He may not be with me all the time now, but when he needs me, Mom is just a phone call or text away.